Fushigi Jingle Bells
by TA Maxwell
Summary: Tis the season for Christmas tree hunting, which is exactly what the Suzaku seishi are doing. However, so are the Seiryuu. At the exact same lot. Fire, lightning, and Chiriko learning the facts of life! PG13 for objective language.


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Fushigi Jingle Bells

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"Jingle Bells, pasta shells, it's the holiday! Carraba's gift certificates will-"

"Miaka…" Keisuke sweatdropped. "Stop singing food commercials."

"But it's my favorite restaurant!"

"Didn't she say that about the Chinese buffet yesterday no da?" Chichiri asked from the back seat. Miaka blushed before proclaiming they were all for favorites. It was Christmas time now, and a special one it would be. All of the seishi had come from the book world for the holiday. The back of the van held two rows of seishi. Chichiri, Hotohori. Tasuki and Chiriko sat in the back. Tamahome, Nuriko and Mitsukake were victim to head flicks for said back-seat bandit. 

"Ow!! Chichiri, make him stop!" Nuriko whined.

"Tasuki, leave Nuriko and Tamahome alone no da…and Chiriko, get your head back in this…um…"

"Car," Keisuke volunteered.

"Hai…car no da…Just get back in!"

"But Chichiri-san, this place is amazing! It's like a bigger Hokkan!"

"It doesn't snow all the time here!" Miaka chimed before going back to her holiday jingle.

"Miaka, sing something else…" Mitsukake sweatdropped.

"Oh fine." The priestess burst into her own rendition of "Oh Christmas Food Oh Christmas Food."

"We're here!" Keisuke sighed happily. The short trip was enough for him. The group of nine clamored out of the car chatting excitedly. Keisuke felt a hand on his shoulder. Twisting a bit, he glanced some blue hair against the clear winter sky.

"For the love of Suzaku….on the way back….let me sit up front no da…"

"Right, Chichiri. And Tamahome and Miaka can make out in the back while Tasuki sets the car on fire."

Chichiri cleared his throat.

"Jingle bells, pasta shells…"

The shotgun seat was claimed by the blue-haired monk, a placecard in the seat. Now, onto the task at hand.

"Onii-chan! This one! This one!" Miaka was latched onto a scraggly tree whose needles fell off at the slightest touch. The bottom half was bare.

"Miaka…" Keisuke twitched. "It's…"

"It's not as beautiful as His Majesty deserves!" Nuriko cut in, floating after said majesty. 

"Tasuki-SAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!"

Around the corner of the tree tent ran the child genius, promptly latching onto his older-brother figure of the seishi. 

"Chiriko, you look like you've seen a ghost," Mitsukake looked worriedly down at the small boy.

"WORSE!!"

"I'll get you again, you weak child!!" a familiar voice crowed. Leisurely floating around the corner came the demon midget himself, Miboshi.

"Don't let him get me again…" Chiriko sniffed, burying his head in Tasuki's cloak. 

"Seiryuu seishi…" Hotohori hissed, reaching for his sword. His hand met only air. After glancing around, the weapon was found in the hands of a red-haired woman who was quickly approaching Tasuki. Tasuki, unfortunately, still was watching Miboshi.

"Erm…Tasuki…" Nuriko croaked. Too late. The sword came down on his head a moment later, much as a frying pan would on Tokaki the next time he looked at another woman and Subaru was around.

"SHIIIIITTTT!!"

"Yeah, it HURTS, doesn't it?!" Soi spat, the sword shaking from whacking the bandit upside the head.

"Wha-"

"Soi."

The Suzaku clan froze. There, under the tent, mingled among the trees, was the rest of the group: the Boshi twins, Ashitare on a leash, Tomo as made-up as usual, Nakago, Yui, and Tetsuya.

"Miaka!!"

"Yui!"

"Tetsuya!"

"Keisuke!"

"…Nakago…"

"Tamahome."

"My line!!" Miaka shouted. Yui cringed. The two were embracing as if they hadn't seen each other in ages. Keisuke and Tetsuya were crying into each others arms muttering about traumatizing driving and seishi. Nakago and Tamahome were glaring daggers at each other.

"Keep away from me, psycho-bitch!" Tasuki grumbled, rubbing his head where the flat end of the sword had connected.

"WHAT?! Come here you little!!" Soi raised the sword and swung, this time without the flat end aimed.

"SHIT!" Tasuki whipped the tessen from his back. The two weapons clanged together, and Tasuki started shaking from the vibrating results of it.

"Psycho bitch!" Tasuki spat. However, because he was shaking from the confrontation, it came out like "Psyyyyyychoooo biiiiittcchh."

"YOOOUUU!!"

The two ran off, Tasuki a hair away from the sword. Chiriko was now being comforted by Chichiri as Mitsukake was trying to get Miboshi to swear by Seiryuu not to scare the child. Ashitare and Nuriko were having a glare-down, as were Tamahome and Nakago.

"So! You guys are buying a tree, too?" Yui grinned, still stuck in a Miaka hug, puppy-type.

"Uh-huh! I like that one!" Miaka pointed. Yui stared.

"Um…Miaka…"

"Isn't it pretty?"

"Uh, sure."

"Miaka-sama," Amiboshi cut in, "Wouldn't that one be better?" He pointed to a fuller tree.

"Not with our budget!"

"JINGLE BELLS TOMO SMELLS SOI GOT LAID AGAIN! NAKAGO HAS GOT HIS HO AND LOTS OF FAITHFUL MEN!"

"YOU BRAT!!"

The sky clouded over and a bolt of lightning struck the singing bandit. Nakago blinked.

"Excuse me, Yui-sama."

He strolled off towards Tasuki's general direction while Tomo frowned, pausing to smell himself.

"I do NOT smell!!"

"I'm sure you don't know da…" Chichiri sweatdropped, shooting an immobilization spell at Miboshi, who was refusing to agree with Mitsukake. Miboshi dodged it.

"I'd thought you'd be more skilled, Mage. Or do you save you skill for other places?" Miboshi winked. Chiriko blinked cluelessly.

"Oh shut up no da. I'm a monk."

"That doesn't mean anythi-"

"Miboshi, just shut up no da…"

"JINGLE BELLS SUBO YELLS ASHITARE MAKES US TWITCH! MIBOSHI IS FUCKIN GAY AND SOI IS SUCH A BITCH!"

CRACK!!

"He'll never learn…" Hotohori dolefully shook his head as Miboshi turned his attentions elsewhere, following Ashitare as he stalked off towards where the electric bolt had struck. Suboshi would have as well had Amiboshi not been holding him back. Nuriko and Hotohori exchanged glances before running after them all. Mitsukake went after them, unwrapping his healing hand. Tamahome chuckled and went to watch.

"But Aniki, he insulted me!"

"Leave him be. He's in enough trouble as it is."

"But-"

"No."

Suboshi gave in and allowed himself to be guided over to the priestesses.

"Yui-sama…" Suboshi blushed. Amiboshi sighed and whacked him lightly on the head.

"Suboshi, you did that all the way here in the car! Stop it!"

"But Aniki!!"

"Otouto-"

"Fine."

"Chichiri-san, what did Miboshi mean by that?"

"You're too young no da!"

"I'm thirteen, Chichiri-san! Everyone's always saying stuff like that and they say I'm too young! I'm not much younger than the rest!!"

Chichiri sighed.

"Why me no da…"

Chiriko beamed.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!" 

The shout came from around the tent and sounded remotely, of course, like Tasuki. Keisuke sweatdropped as Tetsuya clung tighter to his best friend.

"Dangerous group…"

"Kill me now before I have to get in the car with them…"

Yui sighed, and walked around the corner to where the huge confrontation was. Hotohori was at sword's point with Soi, Nuriko was tugging Ashitare's leash to hold him back from the bandit with the open tessen, Nakago was randomly throwing ki blasts between Tamahome and Tasuki. Yui sweatdropped.

"Minna…"

No reply. Yui cleared her throat.

"Minna!" A little louder, but still no result.

A white shirted-arm appeared around the corner, then pulled back slightly. Everyone but Nakago froze.

"Arigatou, Chichiri-san!" Yui called back. The hand appeared again, this time with the OK symbol before it vanished around the corner. Yui then turned back to the group.

"Minna, listen. We came here to pick out a christmas tree, not to fight. It's not the season to fight. This is Christmas. It's a time to get along with everyone, even those we hate. I know most of you can't stand the other, but you'll have to. If you don't…if you can't…we don't even have a reason to be here. Really, you should all be ashamed of even thinking about fighting. We're not after the Shinzaho anymore! We've summoned the gods, and you're all here to have fun, to relax, to avoid picking fights. Christmas is a time to be together. And so…" Here, Yui paused, thinking for a moment. Nakago took the moment to unfreeze everyone. Yui still had their attention, however. She smiled mischievously. "And so, I'm going to say, and enforce that we all have a christmas party at my house Christmas Eve. Every one of us, and no one is going to fight."

Everyone went wide-eyed and looked at the closest opposing seishi.

"You can't be serious, Yui-sama…" Suboshi whispered, shocked. Amiboshi was smiling. Chichiri and Chiriko….weren't paying attention.

"EEEWW!! THAT'S GROSS!!"

Miaka blinked.

"Chiriko, what's wrong?"

"Stepped on yellow snow no da!!" Chichiri shouted, hand over Chiriko's mouth.

The group sweatdropped again. 

"Alright, Yui! A Christmas party at your house sounds perfect!" Miaka beamed.

"So long as I'm allowed to slug the red haired punk," Soi crossed her arms defiantly.

"No fucking way, lightning bitch!"

"Pointy mouthed bastard!"

"Ki-raising slut whore!"

"Woman-hating butt fucker."

That did it.

"REKKA SHINEN!!"

Soi jumped out of the way of the tessen's flame, barely missing it. However, what else was in the way didn't move.

In front of everyone's eyes, the trees caught on fire almost at once, burning simultaneously. The man running the tree lot screamed and ran, getting as far away as possible from the flames. 

"Someone do something!!" the priestess shouted. Keisuke and Tetsuya screamed as well. They had happened to avoid the fire, but were now trapped in the middle of the burning tree lot.

"Miboshi, didn't you have a water demon you could summon?" Nakago glared warily at the floating demon. Miboshi looked around as all eyes turned to him

"Well…I do…but…"

"SUMMON IT!!"

The joined voices of two priestesses and ten seishi boomed around the area. Reluctantly, Miboshi picked his prayer wheel from his waist and concentrated.

From the ground, water bubbled up and began to form a figure. More and more water joined the shape until a giant creature was formed entirely out of the earth's natural resources. Miboshi waved his prayer wheel casually at the flames.

"Put out that fire, will you?"

About five minutes later, the entire place was soaked, including the seishi and the non-magical friends inside the non-existent burnt tent.

"I'm turning to ice again!!" Miaka shouted. The water was indeed now freezing to their skin. Suboshi was looking cross eyed at an icicle hanging from his nose, which Amiboshi was laughing at. Tasuki set a small fire on a single tree this time, and the gang came near, intending to warm up.

"You know…" Tamahome smiled, "this isn't that bad."

"It isn't until you see what tree is left," Nuriko pouted. The group looked. The only surviving, unburned tree in the lot was the same scraggly tree Miaka had fallen in love with.

"Well…" Yui smiled, "I guess that's our tree."

"Yay!!" Miaka cheered. "This is going to be the perfect christmas!!"

"How bad an it be?" Tamahome smiled, slipping an arm around the priestess.

"Tasuki-san, what's an erection?" 

Eyes widened around the group as heads darted down to look at the small boy asking the question.

"Where'd you learn that term, Chiriko?" Hotohori asked, shocked.

"Chichiri-san."

Eyes went even wider at the head turned to stare at the monk. Chichiri blushed and shrugged.

"Miboshi started it."

Everyone glare that the floating monk time.

"Whaaaaat?!"

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Eheh….Aren't I terrible? Well, next up, time to decorate the Hongo Household! Lots of fun and explosions and stuff setting on fire!! ^^ Mebbe. Hopefully I'll be finished with this one by Christmas day. 


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